Election 2008 Masterpiece Analysis

by

Jim Hagedorn

(November 4, 2008)

 

 PRESIDENT

Senators Barack Obama and Joe Biden will defeat Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin.  Obama-Biden will receive 287 electoral votes versus 251 for McCain-Palin.  The raw vote percentage will be Obama 50.1%, McCain 46.9%, Ralph Nader 2% and Bob Barr 1%.  Senator Obama will join Franklin Roosevelt, Lyndon Johnson and Jimmy Carter as the only Democrats to receive half the total vote since 1900. 

U.S. SENATE

Democrats currently control the U.S. Senate by a 51-49 margin (note that two Senators, independent Joe Lieberman and socialist Bernie Sanders, caucus with the Democrats).  Much as been made of Democrat efforts to achieve a 60 seat majority, a feat that would preclude Republicans from employing the filibuster to delay or kill draconian legislation and liberal wacko Supreme Court appointments.  All of which misses the basic point: Republicans don’t have 41 reliable votes now!  Current Senators Graham, Collins, Snowe, Voinovich, Smith, Warner, Hagel, Martinez and Specter are all but worthless on most issues and, almost comically, the ringleader of this motley crew is none other than the party’s nominee for President!

Republicans will lose seven Senate seats, making the new margin 58-42.  But the actual tally will be 56 hardcore Democrats, one independent and one socialist who will vote with the Democrats, 35 fine conservative Republicans and 7 loser liberal Republicans In Names Only, the majority of whom will vote with the Democrats whenever needed.

 

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

Currently Democrats control the House 236-199.  In 2006 Republicans punted away oodles of seats, five in particular (Delay, Foley, Ney, Sherwood and Weldon) that Democrats would never win in 50 elections under typical circumstances.  Instead of reclaiming these and other seats, the GOP will be lucky to stave off a complete knock out.

Republicans will suffer a net loss of 24 seats and the new House will total 260 Democrats and 175 Republicans.  After the Watergate election of 1974, Republicans had only 144 House members, so things could be worse.  The one good note is that the Republican caucus will be more conservative and in a stronger position to plot its return to power.

 

GOVERNORS

Democrats currently hold the majority of governorships by a 28-22 margin.  This is a slow election cycle for governor’s races with only 11 contests in play.  Republicans will takeover the Governor’s mansion in North Carolina and Democrats will retake Missouri’s top executive position, so no net gain or loss.  2010 sets up as a big Republican turnaround, which will help the GOP recapture governorships and state legislatures prior to the next round of congressional redistricting.  This will help the GOP to retake the House of Representatives in 2012.

 

REVERSE ELECTIONS 2010 & 2012

GOVERNOR BOBBY JINDAL OF LOUISIANA

Under normal circumstances America’s electorate would forcefully brush aside an inexperienced, liberal, elitist presidential candidate, especially one oozing with anti-American, black-activist and criminal connections like Senator Barack Obama.  But President George W. Bush so botched stewardship of virtually every facet of government that voters are hell bent to continue the harsh Republican firings that began in 2006 – midterm election dismissals that led to the Democratic takeover of Congress.

George W. Bush’s brand of liberalism and incompetence destroyed the Republican Party in eight short years.  This election’s wave of anti-Bush, anti-Republican discontent is an enormous unforced error and Republicans are bracing themselves for the political equivalent of a 100-year storm.  Perhaps a once in a lifetime leader like Ronald Reagan could have bucked the overwhelming odds and squeaked out victory.  Perhaps.

As if the damage President Bush has inflicted upon the Nation and the GOP isn’t enough, his parting gift is the election of the most leftist president in history who will conspire with huge Democrat House and Senate majorities to undo what has made America great.

This election’s silver lining is that Democrats will overplay their hands, impose liberalism at its very worst, enrage the public and enable Republicans to retool and charge back in 2010 and 2012.  Gerald Ford’s loss to Jimmy Carter in 1976 led to Ronald Reagan, the restoration of America and the end of Soviet communism.  And Bill Clinton’s 1992 beating of George H. W. Bush set the stage for the first Republican Speaker of the House in 44 years, a balanced budget and work-for-welfare legislation.

Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana is the most logical young leader to reorganize the conservative movement, rebuild the Republican Party and recapture the White House.  Governor Jindal is a bright, competent executive who defines issues in terms people understand, persuasively articulates conservative solutions and passionately defends traditional values.

 

HILLARY

With exception of the dwindling number of “Casper the Friendly Ghost” groupies who celebrate Halloween year around, no one is praying for a McCain victory more than Senator Hillary Clinton.  An improbable McCain-Palin comeback would not only set the streets afire, but would also mark the start of Hillary’s 2012 campaign and make her the odds on favorite.

Otherwise, an Obama-Biden victory means that Hillary’s hope rests with a presidential or vice presidential “vacancy,” something that would almost assuredly force the sitting president to nominate the New York Senator to be the new VP, which would reposition her to run again in the near term.

Short of these events, Hillary will need to wait a minimum of 8 years to seek the presidency, which would make her 69 years of age.  Hillary’s presidential window is closing rapidly. 

 

GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN

Critics of Governor Sarah Palin are either delusional or jealous.  Senator McCain’s campaign was all but flat lined before he brought the feisty Caribou Barbie into our living rooms.  Which reminds me, on behalf of all red-blooded American men:  THANK YOU SENATOR McCAIN, SARAH’S HOT!

Governor Palin twice energized McCain’s standing in the polls – first after her sparkling convention speech in St. Paul and again when she went toe-to-toe with the President of the Hair Plug for Men, Senator Joe Biden.  Without Palin social conservatives may never have sufficiently warmed up to the McCain candidacy.

Governor Palin is a natural communicator with commonsense ideals who believes in the essentials required for a great America: God, individual liberty and a powerful military.  Governor Palin is a normal American with a good, loving family – a true success story.

Whether or not Governor Palin is the best choice to lead the Republican Party into the future is debatable.  But she has the energy, charisma, strength and commonsense to play a major role.  Win or lose this election, Palin sits in the catbird’s seat of politics.

 

THE ROD AWARD

Each election the Rod Award is extended to the Republican Member of Congress who performs the most idiotic, immoral behavior that virtually guarantees defeat.  The award is named after former Senator Rod Grams (Playboy-Minnesota), who was soundly defeated for reelection in 2000.  This year the Rod Award goes to two numskulls who couldn’t keep “it” in their pants long enough to get reelected.  The two award winners are: Idaho Senator Larry ”Wide Stance” Craig and New York Congressman Vito “Vino” Fossella.

Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig - Public revelation of Senator Larry Craig’s conviction for disturbing the peace forced the longtime conservative to scrub his reelection.  Craig’s conviction stemmed from toe tapping escapades in a Minneapolis-St. Paul airport bathroom stall.  An undercover police officer testified that Craig was sending foot signals to solicit homosexual sex.  Senator Craig responded that his actions were misunderstood because he has a wide stance.  Evidently the Senator’s stance is not the only wide asspect of his anatomy! 

As with all these deals, signs abounded that this guy was a-miss.  In 1982 the media was pursuing leads that House Pages had engaged in illegal drug use and performed sex acts with Members of Congress.  Craig, a freshman Congressman and unknown face in DC at the time, called a news conference to preemptively inform the world that he was not gay, meaning of course that he was.  Senator Craig is another deserving Rod Award recipient.

New York Republican Representative Vito ‘Vino’ Fossella – Once upon a time conservative Republican Congressman Vito Fossella had a nice wife, three kids, good job and a pretty neat life.  Then the Congressman met Laura Fay, a young Air Force congressional liaison (pronounced by Vito as lay-ease-son) with whom the lawmaker fathered a child and maintained a second household (the actual wife and kids lived in New York).  

Fossella’s affair and double life were exposed in May when the Congressman was arrested by Virginia police for running a red light and driving under the influence while purportedly traveling to see Fay and his young illegitimate daughter.  Hey Vino, that obviously wasn’t the first red light you sped through!  Now the retiring Congressman is a broken man – no job, no wife, no kids, massive child support payments, no future, only deep despair.  Or more pointedly, a typical Obama voter!

Republicans did their level best to retain this Staten Island district but replacement candidate Frank Powers died during the campaign, all but killing Republican chances and sending Democrat Mike McMahon to Washington.

 

 

STATE-BY-STATE ANALYSIS AND KEY RACES

 

ALABAMA (9)

McCain-Palin begin the sweep of the South, minus Virginia.

 

ALASKA (3)

When asked to critique Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s performance on the campaign trail former President Bill Clinton observed to the Associated Press, “I come from Arkansas, I get why she’s hot out there”!  Obviously Clinton has changed his position on Alaska drilling.  McCain-Palin win big.

Alaska Senate and U.S. House District At Large -

For more than three decades Alaska was ruled by the seedy Stevens-Young-Murkowski-Murkowski gang.  A band of Republican outlaws as bad as any of either party.  But along came a sheriff by the name of Sarah Palin and in two short years three of the four outlaws are out of business and the last one, Senator Lisa Murkowski, is in hiding.

In 2006 Palin ran against and defeated sitting and corrupt Governor Frank Murkowski, who had been Senator and Governor for three decades.  Then Sheriff Sarah directed her trusty deputy, Lt. Governor Sean Parnell, to run against the bridge-to-nowhere-bandit Representative Don Young in the Republican primary.  Parnell lost to Young by a few hundred votes, thus sacrificing to the Democrats what should be an eternal Republican seat.  Finally, Senator Ted ‘Jailbird’ Stevens ($$-Leavenworth) was convicted in Federal Court for failing to report illegal gifts (improvements to his ski chateau) just a week before the election.  Stevens pigheadedly chose to remain in office, rather than resign and give Republicans a fighting chance.

Congressman Young and Senator Stevens are CA$Hiered.

 

ARIZONA (10)

John McCain’s home state is offering lukewarm support to its longtime Senator.  McCain-Palin win, but the final tally will be surprisingly close. 

 

ARKANSAS (6)

Secret negotiations between Senator Hillary Clinton and Arkansas Democratic Party executives produced an arrangement that delivered Democrat votes to McCain-Palin in exchange for Hillary’s permanent exile.

McCain-Palin win Arkansas easily and maintain the sweep of the South, minus Virginia.

 

CALIFORNIA (56)

California is a basket case for Republicans, mostly because Mexican nationals have taken to heart California’s new state motto: mi’ casa is su’ casa.  Obama-Biden win huge.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger remains the Republican Party’s most dynamic and appealing campaigner.  His strong voice and demeanor generate incredible energy and enthusiasm.  Unfortunately, on most issues Governor Schwarzenegger is a RINO: Republican In Name Only.  Yet, should Arnold challenge left-wing Senator Barbara Boxer in 2010, the conservative community will be “baaack” for the Governator.

 

CA District 4 -

Thankfully Representative John Doolittle did not seek reelection.  Another corrupt politican bites the dust.

Fine right-wing American and California State Senator Tom McClintock is squaring off against repeat Democrat candidate Charlie Brown who reportedly “got a rock” this past Halloween.  Good Grief!, McClintock is trailing in the polls.  We’re Doomed!  Maybe that’s because McClintock’s house is located 400 miles from this Sacramento based district and the voters are more familiar with Mr. Brown?  Wahwahwahwahwah.  Thankfully this is a very conservative district and McClintock will squeak it out.

CA District 50 -

Fine anti-illegal immigration Republican Congressman Brian Bilbray is battling to hold this San Diego area district.  The Congressman’s Democrat opponent is liberal lawyer Nick Leibham.  Had Democrats recruited a more appealing candidate, California’s big Democratic wave could have cost Bilbray the election.  Bilbray wins 53-47.

California Proposition 8; Gay Marriage -

Proposition 8 nullifies a recent decision by California’s left leaning Supreme Court to allow same sex marriage.  Thankfully Californians remain at least partially sane and will deny society’s stamp of approval for ass backwards behavior.  Even with Obama’s big California win and the huge Democratic turnout, a majority will vote Yes on 8!

San Francisco Proposition K - 

On San Francisco’s ballot is a proposition to essentially decriminalize prostitution by prohibiting city police from investigating and arresting call girls…and boys.  Progressive Mayor Gavin Newsome has strongly condemmed Proposition K, something that raised eyebrows within the Mayor’s inner circle until it was revealed that legalization of prostitution could coax former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer to relocate to San Francisco and restart his political career by challenging Newsome.

Prop K goes down.

 

COLORADO (9)

Obama and the Dems are flying as high as the Rockies.  Important, close win for Obama-Biden.

 

CONNECTICUT (7)

Senator Joe Lieberman all but slit his political throat by supporting McCain-Palin.  The three term Senator not only endorsed McCain, but gave a strong speech to the Republican National Convention and even actively campaigned in key swing states.  

Senator Lieberman is a liberal on most issues and votes with Democrats 95% of the time.  Prior to 9/11 the Senator was never much of a hawk on defense and foreign affairs issues, even those that required tough stands against the communists and other U.S. adversaries.  But Liberman’s passionate suppot for the war in Iraq and other Bush/Republican anti-terrorism policies pushed the independent Senator to adamantly buck his former party.  Maybe the basic reason for Senator Lieberman’s change of heart is found in the simple slogan that he likely uses to warn of Saudi funded schools that teach Islamic hate.

Justly Eradicate Wahhabism or America Risks Another Bombing

Obama-Biden win easy.

CT District 4 -

Republican Congressman Chris Shays’ 20 year running gag of calling himself a Republican finally ends as the worthless liberal is booted from Congress.

 

DELAWARE (3)

Serve in the Senate long enough and you will believe your own BS.  Proof of this premise comes from the 2008 Vice Presidential debate during which Senator Joe Biden, in an attempt to show his man-of-the-people bonafides, implored 70 million Americans to go with him to ”Union Street in Wilmington or to Katie’s Restaurant or to Home Depot.”  Problem is that Katie’s Restaurant closed during the Reagan administration.  If Vice President Dan Quayle had said 10% of the stupid stuff that comes out of Biden’s mouth the liberal media would have treated him…exactly the way they did.

Obama-Biden win big.

 

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA (3)

If Obama somehow loses this election I’m guessing the Federal government will be closed Wednesday, November 5th through New Year’s Day due to fire and general unrest.  Now that’s liberal leave.

Obama-Biden receive 85% of the vote, proving once again why DC should not be granted Statehood!

 

FLORIDA (27)

Senator Barack Obama - under attack for connections to terrorist Bill Ayers, black activist Rev. Jeremiah Wright and other suspicious characters – received a rather unexpected vote of confidence when former two-term Florida Governor Jeb Bush held an election eve press conference and passionately admonished his fellow Republicans for practicing the politics of ”guilt by association.”  In a related matter, the aspiring president changed his last name to Reagan.

McCain-Palin win the Sunshine state by a razor thin margin.

FL District 16 -

Two years ago Republican Congressman Mark Foley killed whatever chance Republicans had to minimize losses when lewd e-mail exchanges between the middle-aged closet homosexual and House Pages (male high school students) were revealed by the rabid media.  The direct beneficiary of Foley’s follies was Democrat Tim Mahoney who narrowly defeated a last minute Republican stand in.  Mahoney promised to restore integrity to the seat and later distributed campaign literature that included the words: Faith and Family – Where I Stand.

Turns out that as Mahoney was promising voters to restore integrity he was standing with his pants down promising his non-wife campaign worker mistress several positions in his Washington office.  Add to this a $120,000 payoff to keep the mistress quiet and the emergance of yet another non-marital squeeze and you have the destruction of a lying, soon-to-be-divorced, one-term Congressman.  Republican Tom Rooney wins easily.

FL District 24 -

Conservative Representative Tom Feeney remains tainted due to connections with imprisoned Indian casino lobbyist Jack Abramoff.  Feeney is one of the few national Republicans able to articulate issues and make sound arguments in support of conservatism.  All polls and pundits believe the Congressman will lose to Democrat Suzanne Kosmas.  But not this one.  Feeney survives.

 

Georgia (15)

Soft Republican support and a huge turnout of black voters made Georgia tighter than expected, but McCain-Palin win by 4 and the non-Virginia Southern sweep remains in tact.

Georgia Senate -

First term Republican Senator Saxby Chambliss became a Democrat target the minute he abused former Democrat Senator Max Cleland in 2002.  Georgia is 29% black, 6% Hispanic and still 100% conservative, meaning that either blacks and Hispanics don’t vote in big numbers or Republicans are winning 80+% of the white vote.  Chambliss eeks out a 52-48 victory.

 

HAWAII (4)

Barack Obama’s last minute trip to Hawaii to visit his ailing grandmother was a nice gesture.  Obama wins his birth state by a large margin.

 

IDAHO (3)

Everyone from Idaho’s Governor down to the state’s white supremacist greeter will vote for McCain-Palin.

 

ILLINOIS (21)

Confident Obama operatives have already tapped the Reverend Jeremiah Wright to sing his new song, “G*d Damn America”, during the seventh inning stretch of all World Series games during the Obama presidency.

 

INDIANA (11)

Overall Republican weakness is apparent by McCain’s anemic support in this GOP stronghold.  McCain-Palin win narrowly.

 

IOWA (7)

Iowans are considering a ballot initiative that would change the state’s constitution to preclude “idiots” from voting.  This confirms suspicions that Iowa actually stands for “Idiots Out Walking Around.”  The idiot initiative was supposed to be on the ballot in 2006, but a screw up by the Secretary of State delayed consideration until this election.  Idiot.  Had this new voting standard been in effect for today’s election, the final vote would have been: McCain 973,340 – Obama 0.  Instead, Obama-Biden win by 10.

 

KANSAS (6)

Big McCain-Palin victory.

 

KENTUCKY (8)

Kentucky and West Virginia have become Republican strongholds, mostly due to Democrat environmental wacko policies intended to kill the coal industry.  McCain-Palin win by 15.

Kentucky Senate -

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is in a tough race against Democrat Bruce Lunsford.  Democrats have targeted McConnell and the race is tighter than expected, but Obama’s poor showing in Kentucky all but guarantees the exceptionally bright Minority Leader another term.

KY District 3 -

This is a rematch between Democrat Congressman John Yarmuth and former Republican Congresswoman Anne Northup.  In 2006 the liberal Yarmuth sent the pro-life, pro-gun Northup home.

Kentucky’s 3rd is a marginal district that swings both ways, so Anne’s decision to run in the best Democratic year since Watergate was a huge miscalculation.  Had Northup sat out this election cycle and made another go in 2010 she probably would have reclaimed the seat.  Representative Yarmuth will increase his margin of victory and sadly this may be the last time we hear from fine American Anne Northup.

 

KENYA (0)

When asked to comment on his millionaire sibling’s political success, half-brother George Hussein Onyango Obama, who earns $4 per month and lives in a shanty hut on the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya, said, “For the first time in my adult life I am proud of my country.”  Hey, that sounds errilly familiar!

Meanwhile, just days before the election Obama’s half-aunt Zeituni Onyangot was discovered in a Boston slum.  Turns out half-aunt Zeituni is an illegal alien from Kenya who has illegally contributed money to her half-nephew’s campaign, which should make Americans half-pi$$ed.  The migration from Barack Obama’s second country to the United States during the next four years is going to look like a low-budget remake of Eddie Murphy’s hit comedy “Coming to America.”

 

LOUISIANA (9)

Unlike voters from overwhelmingly white states such as Minnesota, who will vote Obama-Biden to prove they are not racists, Louisianans are going to vote against the black Senator to prove they still are!

McCain-Palin win by 15.

 

MAINE (4)

Maine has become a forgotten state in U.S. politics.  Let’s not wreck a good thing.  Obama-Biden route the good guys.

 

MARYLAND (10)

Maryland has become a breeding ground for every big government, anti-free enterprise policy imaginable.  Except for the Eastern Shore and the city of Frederick this state is a disaster.  Obama-Biden by 20+. 

MD District 1 -

Longtime liberal Republican Congressman Wayne Gilchrest was defeated in a primary by conservative State Senator Andrew Harris.  Sniveling loser Gilchrest promptly endorsed Democrat Frank Kratovil.  In spite of Gilchrest’s less than gracious behavior Harris will win comfortably.  Net Republican gain!

 

MASSACHUSETTS (12)

Based upon the historical precedent showing that the death of a Kennedy is immediately followed by the sympathetic enactment of draconian legislation (gun control, welfare, extreme labor laws, etc.) all six remaining Massachusetts conservatives started a prayer filibuster requesting the Big Guy to spare the life of ailing Senator Ted Kennedy until liberalism is more contained.  Obama-Biden crush the competition.

 

MICHIGAN (17)

Nothing has the auto industry more charged up than the complete takeover of government by the Democrats, something that should guarantee Federal loans and other cookies to keep Ford, GM and Chrysler in business.  Nice of the Dems to keep auto workers and the Big Three in business just long enough to kill them with their kooky environmental policies.  Obama-Biden win by 15.

 

MINNESOTA (10)

At least great American Floyd “Pete” Hagedorn of Blue Earth, Minnesota, who the Lord called home in August after 94 years of wonderful life, did not have to witness the total recapture of the government by the leftists who stand his opposite.  Grandpa’s death is a huge loss for our great Country.  He was greatly loved and admired by his family and will be forever missed.

Obama-Biden win by 8.

Minnesota Senate -

This is a three way race between a former Senator, a sitting Senator and a professional, yet aspiring comedian.  

Candidate number one is Independence Party nominee Dean Barkley who in 2002 was selected by former Governor Jesse Ventura to serve out the term of Senator Paul Wellstone who died in a pre-election plane crash.  The second competitor is Republican Senator Norm Coleman who won in 2002, edging out old coot Walter Mondale, who Democrats nominated to stand in for the dead Wellstone.  Given Mondale’s level of energy the Dems might as well have kept Paul on the ballot!  Also running is Democrat and New York transplant Al Franken, the former Saturday Night Live actor.

Minnesotans, who elected wrestler and showman Ventura, have a history of supporting strange ducks, and certainly Franken fits the mold.  But the long divisive campaign has exposed Franken as a humorless mean spirited jerk, not the kind that typically plays well with the easygoing Minnesotans.  Sanity prevails: Coleman 43, Franken 42 and Barkley 15. 

MN District 1 -

Freshman Democrat Representative Tim Walz squares off against novice Republican candidate Dr. Brian Davis.  Dr. Davis was roughed up in a bruising Republican primary and sadly the Congressman will wal(t)z to victory.  Sorry about that one.  However, the Congressman’s true beliefs are out-of-step with this right-leaning district and a competent Republican candidate could retake the seat in 2010 or 2012.

MN District 3 -

Republican State Representative Eric Paulsen and Democrat Ashwin Madia have squared off to replace longtime and all but worthless liberal Republican Congressman Jim Ramstad.  Even though Paulsen has been forced to fight both Madia and the media, the young legislator will keep the seat in the “R” column.  It won’t show up in the box score but Paulsen’s win is a net Republican gain.

MN District 6 -

Let’s revisit the Election 2006 Masterpiece Analysis:

Even the worst election produces fine future leaders for political parties, and such is the case with today’s election of Republican Michelle Bachmann to Congress.  Bachmann is a successful State Senator who has championed almost every conceivable conservative cause.  Most importantly, Michelle is the sponsor of a constitutional amendment to protect marriage and she is the Senate’s leading critic of abortion.

Bachmann’s opponent is liberal child rights advocate Patty Wetterling.  Weterling lost a close 2004 race to Representative Mark Kennedy, who is running for the Senate.  Wetterling will lose again today.  Wetterling is simply too out of step with the district, which is dominated by conservative Lutherans and Catholics.  

Bachmann will become an instant leader in the House of Representatives, but she will pay the heavy price of becoming a permanent target of the national left wing, something that could make her tenure in Congress tenuous.

End of 2006 flashback.

The 2008 6th District election pits Michelle ‘You Tube’ Bachmann versus Democrat Elwyn ‘some guy we would have never heard of had Michelle kept her mouth shut during this difficult reelection’ Tinklenberg.

Instead of laying low and solidifying her conservative district, Bachmann has worked tirelessly to attract national attention.  From her 90 second House floor groping of President Bush following the 2007 State of the Union address to her 20+ appearances on national cable shows, Bachmann has aggressively challenged the liberals and opened herself to controversy.

Bachmann’s ship firmly hit ground when during a late October appearance on blowhard Chris Matthews’ “Hardball” show the Congresswoman voiced concern that some of Barack Obama’s views were anti-American.  She spent the remaining days of the campaign trying to explain away the controversy.  Meanwhile, liberals from across the Country flooded Tinklenberg with $2 million in campaign cash and the race quickly became a toss up.

Bachmann is lucky that she fits the district and her opponent is weak.  Minnesota’s knock-off of Sarah Palin survives, but Democrats have plastered a permanent bullseye on her backside and the libs will work extra hard to gerrymander her out of office in 2012.

 

MISSISSIPPI (6)

Governor Haley Barbour delivers another Republican victory.  Easy win for McCain-Palin.

Mississippi Senate -

Former Senator Trent Lott’s late 2007 resignation set off a chain reaction that forced Republicans to defend safe seats at the worst political moment.

Fine American and all around fun guy Republican Governor Haley Barbour tapped right-wing, Christian Congressman Roger Wicker to fill in for Lott.  Senator Wicker is running against former Democrat Governor Ronnie Musgrove.  The winner will complete the last four years of Lott’s term.

When Democrat Travis Childers unexpectedly swiped Wicker’s safe House seat in a special election – a signal of national Republican weakness – Democrats began to dream of defeating Wicker and stealing the Senate seat.  But they need to keep dreaming.  Even in the worst of times Mississippi is solid Republican.  Wicker wins by 10+.

 

NORTH DAKOTA (3)

Secret Obama plans to offer terrorist William Ayres command of North Dakota’s nuclear missiles could push congressional Democrats to threaten oversight hearings.  Nah!  McCain-Palin win by 6.

 

OHIO (20)

Good old Joe the Plumber is the only American who could flush out Barack Obama’s socialist tax and spend agenda.  For his trouble Mr. Wurzelbacher received the Left’s full scrutiny, which reminds us of President Richard Nixon’s famous rejoinder to interviewer David Frost’s question concerning media investigations.  Said Nixon, “I understand why the media views the presidency with a microscope.  It’s the most imporatnt job in the world.  But when they use a proctoscope, the’ve gone to far.” 

So threantened was the Left by Joe the Plumber that Obama loyalists within state and local agencies checked a myirid of databases looking for dirt.  In the end what they found is that America’s favorite plumber is Mr. Clean…in more ways than one.  McCain-Palin win Ohio by point two percent.

 

 

OKLAHOMA (7)

Home of fine conservative and environmental wacko antagonist Senator Jim Inhofe who will cruise to victory.  McCain-Palin win big.

 

OREGON (7)

Oregon needs to recycle itself so it can again vote Republican.  Obama-Biden win by 12.

 

PENNSYLVANIA (21)

If Obama thinks the folks from Pennsylvania are bitter, cling to guns and God and have antipathy toward people who are not like them or have anti-immigrant sentiment, wait until he campaigns for reelection.  Four years of extreme liberalism could move Pennsylvania into the Republican column.  McCain’s relentless Keystone state campaigning makes it close, but Obama-Biden win by 2.

PA District 10 -

Democrat Congressman Chris Carney was handed the 2006 election when sexual explorer and Republican Congressman Don Sherwood chose to seek reelection rather than resign after details of his torrid 5 year affair with a 26 year old bimbo was revealed to the voters of this exceptionally conservative district.  

Carney’s opponent is Republican Chris Hackett, a successful businessman.  Congressman Chris has the name recognition and campaign cash advantage over businessman Chris and will prevail.  However, it’s just a matter of time before Republicans reclaim this seat.

PA District 11 -

Longtime Congressman Paul ‘push the envelope of crookedness’ Kanjorski is in the race of his life against Republican Lou Barletta, a popular local mayor.  The stench from this district has become almost overwhelming and the well financed Barletta secures the upset.

PA District 12 -

Democrat Congressman John ‘Jack’ Murtha is a powerful member of the Democratic Caucus.  Chairman Murtha regularly sends pork to his struggling Southwest Pennsylvania district and is one of his Party’s leaders on defense and foreign policy issues. 

Murtha’s impassioned opposition to the Iraq War is credited with helping Democrats regain the House in 2006 and the Congressman was rewarded with Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s support to be House Majority Leader.  This in spite of Murtha’s longtime pro-gun, pro-life record that grates against the Party’s core beliefs.  Representative Steny Hoyer soundly defeated Murtha for the Leader position, a loss that more accurately reflected the Speaker’s unsound political judgement than Chairman Murtha’s overall standing with the Democratic Caucus.

But the retired Marine, Abscam survivor and 34 year congressional veteran has made some serious errors of late.  In 2006 the Congressman vocifiously charged that U.S. Marines had killed Iraqi civilians in cold blood.  More recently, in an attempt to brow-beat and shame voters to support Barack Obama, Murtha commented that his Pittsburgh area district is filled with racists.  The Congressman later “clarified” the statement by explaining that until recently Southwest Pennsylvania was “redneck.”

Republican candidate Retired Army Lt. Col. William Russell has taken advantage of Murtha’s gaffes and the race in this Democrat-leaning district is a toss up.  The contest and Congressman Murtha’s behavior can pretty much be summed up by paraphrasing the late and great General Douglass MacArthur: Old congressman soldiers never die, they just become unhinged and get booted from office.  Murtha is defeated; shot with his own weapon.

 

RHODE ISLAND (4)

Obama’s plan to carpet Rhode Island helps send Democrats to a huge 30 point win. 

 

SOUTH CAROLINA (8)

Had fine conservative Governor Mark Sanford challenged illegal alien lover and all around worthless Republican Senator Lindsey Grahamnesty, the late Senator Strom ‘Sperm’ Thurmond would be resting easier.  McCain-Palin win by 14.

 

SOUTH DAKOTA (3)

Voters will decide a ballot initiative to ban abortion in all instances (Initiated Measure 11).  Passage of the measure would serve to test the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade decision.  Initiated Measure will pass by the number of residents not voting because they were aborted by their liberal parents.

McCain-Palin win by 20.

 

TENNESSEE (11)

If only former Senator Fred Thompson had run his failed Republican primary campaign with half the vigor he employed to land hot trophy wife Jeri, Republicans might have had a conservative standard-bearer.  McCain-Palin win big.

 

TEXAS (34)

McCain-Palin win by 20.

TX District 22 -

This is one of the congressional districts that Republicans punted away through scandal.  Former Republican Majority Leader Tom Delay’s late 2006 resignation forced Republican stand-in candidate Sheila Sekula-Gibbs to wage a longshot write in campaign.  Clearly, educating 125,000 Texans to spell Sekula-Gibbs was asking too much and Democrat Nick Lampson was sent to Congress by a healthy 10 point margin.  But this year Republicans need only to point and click or sign their “x,” which amounts to bad news for Lampson.  Republican challenger Pete Olson wins handily.

 

UTAH (5)

Lingering Mormon resentment for John McCain’s VP selection of Sarah Palin over the more economic savvy [read Mormon] Mitt Romney will cut into the Republican team’s Utah victory margin.  McCain-Palin win by 40.

 

VERMONT (3)

This election’s “spread the wealth” moment revealed what we already knew, that Senator Bernie Sanders is far from the only socialist in Congress.  Obama-Biden win huge.

 

VIRGINIA (13)

Had former Senator George ‘Macaca’ Allen not run the worst reelection campaign in the 2006 cycle it’s likely he would have been the Republican Party’s presidential nominee and this race could have been more spirited and ideological.

Bush’s expansion of government has created an influx of young, Democrat voters in Northern Virginia.  Obama-Biden win 49-48.

 

WASHINGTON (11)

Democrat Governor Christine Gregoire faces Republican Dino Rossi in a rematch of their 2004 three recount barn burner, which Gregoire won by just 129 votes.  Polls have the Governor only slightly ahead in this solid Democrat state, which begs the question: is Gregoire that unlikable or is Rossi an extraordinary candidate and campaigner?  Dino gets closer, this time losing by 128 votes. 

Obama-Biden win by 8.

 

WEST VIRGINIA (5)

Democrat environmental policies have made West Virginia a safe Republican state. McCain-Palin win by 12.

West Virginia Senate -

Longtime Democrat Senator Jay Rockefeller is running against underfunded underdog Jay Wolfe.  Wolfe will lose, but Rockefeller may fall short of 60%, which will confirm continued deteriation of Democrat-standing in the state.

 

WISCONSIN (10)

Fine social, fiscal, military and law and order conservative Congressman Jim Sensenbrenner is easily reelected!  Obama-Biden win by 10.

 

 WYOMING (3)

As always, the only residents not voting Republican are the ones Dick “Big Time” Cheney shot in the head or ran off the road on his record number of D.W.I. convictions.  McCain-Palin win by 35. 

 

Posted on November 4th, 2008 by Mr. Conservative
Filed under: The Masterpiece Analysis Collection